SHIP'S LOG:
I pulled out of St. Augustine Marina in about 20 knots of wind and head south on The ICW on Tuesday morning. It was so cold due to the wind that I had on two pairs of woolen socks, a pair of insulated jeans over which I wore sweat pants, a long sleeved woolen shirt on top of which I wore a woolen sweater and a jacket, I wore two pairs of gloves and a wool hat. It was cold! I was sure glad that I was only going 25 miles or so, the dash to Daytona Beach would really have been miserable.
Several place north of Crescent Beach were shoaling badly. I don't know when the last dredging of this section of the ICW was done but they need to do one again soon. It was dangerous to follow the ICW Magenta line on the charts and I really had to pick my way along in some places by depth sounder alone. A power boat shot by me once and about a mile ahead I think he went aground, but softly. He started moving very slow through a series of turns . When I go to the point I could see why. A shoal had crossed into the channel and I had to maneuver around it in an area the chart said not to go. At one point, it got down to 8 1/2 feet on the depth sounder, just the as it had read the first time I went aground but I never touch, or if I did, I never felt it.
I got to the Crescent Beach Bascule Bridge and asked for an opening. The bridge tender responded by saying, "Sure, but we are doing work on the bridge and only one side is working. Stay to the right." It is bad enough going through a bascule bridge when both sides are working as the Bimini blocks my vision of the bridge and I have to line up in the center before I try to go through, hoping that there is no current to move me to the side less I strike the raised portions with my mast. I got through just fine and as I was leaving, I asked the bridge tender where all the warm weather was as this, after all, was Florida. He responded by saying, "Florida is the Sunshine State. we make no claims about warmth!"
The people with houses on the ICW in Crescent Beach are luckier than many of the counterparts in other places. There is no chance that their views will be blocked by developments. ON one side they have the ocean and on the other, the western shore of the ICW is all National Wildlife Refuge.
When I got to Palm Coast, I pulled into the Marina at Ocean Hammock. It is part of a resort development that went bust when the economy tanked. It is not really a marina. There is no fuel dock, no facilities for transients, no store, no nothing really. I think that it was actually a marina for the boats of the people that owned condo there. I couldn't even hail them on the radio and had to get in contact by phone. It's beautiful spots with some beautiful boats and perhaps, in the future, they will really open it up to passing boaters.
My "inviters" whisked me to their home for dinner and it was wonderful. Rich and Martha really made me feel right at home. I knew them slightly from up north but really it was a very casual relationship. But they were warm and generous, almost embarrassingly so. They actually sprang for another night at the marina, "So the weather will get warmer" and even picked up the tab for my grocery shopping. I am still floored by their generosity. Martha said that I had to stop by again when I head north in the spring. I think I can arrange that!
This morning, I laid out the course to Daytona Beach and locked in three possible anchorages. The weather is supposed to be "high - mid 60's/ low - mid 40's" and even warmer the days after. Perhaps, just perhaps, I am getting out of the cold weather. I certainly hope so. I am really getting sick of it. Then again, the locals are going out of their minds!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
At Least It Didn't Snow! ! ! ! ! !
SHIP'S LOG:
Last night the wind blew something fierce. I got up today to hear NOAA say that we had wind gusts "of gale force" last night. They were enough to heel the boat significantly and enough to make me get up out of a warm bunk and go on deck and run another 1/2 inch line through the eye in the mooring pennant. It wasn't that cold when I went to bed but I could feel the temperature dropping as the night went on. My nose got cold !
I'll say one thing, everything sounds and feels worse at night. I doubt that the wind was really any stronger last night than during the day but the sound of it and the heeling sure made it seem worse. I heard all sorts of squeaks and rattles and tapping and all sorts of other noises that I had to identify. I had to know what they were or I just would not have fallen asleep and that took long enough as it was. I was really, REALLY glad that I hadn't succumb to the sunshine and warmth of the morning and made a dash down the ICW. It would have been really awful on a hook last night. I probably would have spent the night in front of the GPS watching the little sailboat go round and round and watching the depth sounder too. Having done that a couple of times, I can tell you it is no way to spend a night. Not that I want to experience it again, but I really didn't feel the boat dragging that time back in Thoroughfare Creek. Despite her size, ABISAHG moves fairly sprightly and it is tough for me to pick up any dragging though everyone says that you will know it when it happens. It is an experience I do not wish to repeat . . . like grounding.
I really feel sorry for some of the travelers on the ICW these cold nights. I wonder how many are adequately prepare3d. I got a semi-late start and so have a lot of cold weather clothes aboard but I wonder about the others. And when it rains, everything gets damp and never really dries out and that makes the cold even worse. I really felt for those swinging on a hook anywhere last night.
I got a call from a couple whose relatives I know. The live in Palm Coast about 25 miles south of St. Augustin e. They invited me in for dinner tomorrow and will even pick up the tab for dock the boat at the local marina. Free food and warmth. How can I pass that up?
The NOAA weather forecast this morning said that the cold front would move off out of the area Thursday. It is expected to head SOUTH!!!!!!! There has got to be some warm weather somewhere in this state . .. probably on the west coast!
Last night the wind blew something fierce. I got up today to hear NOAA say that we had wind gusts "of gale force" last night. They were enough to heel the boat significantly and enough to make me get up out of a warm bunk and go on deck and run another 1/2 inch line through the eye in the mooring pennant. It wasn't that cold when I went to bed but I could feel the temperature dropping as the night went on. My nose got cold !
I'll say one thing, everything sounds and feels worse at night. I doubt that the wind was really any stronger last night than during the day but the sound of it and the heeling sure made it seem worse. I heard all sorts of squeaks and rattles and tapping and all sorts of other noises that I had to identify. I had to know what they were or I just would not have fallen asleep and that took long enough as it was. I was really, REALLY glad that I hadn't succumb to the sunshine and warmth of the morning and made a dash down the ICW. It would have been really awful on a hook last night. I probably would have spent the night in front of the GPS watching the little sailboat go round and round and watching the depth sounder too. Having done that a couple of times, I can tell you it is no way to spend a night. Not that I want to experience it again, but I really didn't feel the boat dragging that time back in Thoroughfare Creek. Despite her size, ABISAHG moves fairly sprightly and it is tough for me to pick up any dragging though everyone says that you will know it when it happens. It is an experience I do not wish to repeat . . . like grounding.
I really feel sorry for some of the travelers on the ICW these cold nights. I wonder how many are adequately prepare3d. I got a semi-late start and so have a lot of cold weather clothes aboard but I wonder about the others. And when it rains, everything gets damp and never really dries out and that makes the cold even worse. I really felt for those swinging on a hook anywhere last night.
I got a call from a couple whose relatives I know. The live in Palm Coast about 25 miles south of St. Augustin e. They invited me in for dinner tomorrow and will even pick up the tab for dock the boat at the local marina. Free food and warmth. How can I pass that up?
The NOAA weather forecast this morning said that the cold front would move off out of the area Thursday. It is expected to head SOUTH!!!!!!! There has got to be some warm weather somewhere in this state . .. probably on the west coast!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
NOAA Use The "S" Word Today!!!!!
SHIP'S LOG:
I am sitting on a Municipal Mooring in beautiful St. Augustine and today NOAA used the "S" word in the weather forecast . . . "SNOW"! Only a possibility mind you and it would be just flurries, but SNOW?
I am here until Tuesday as I wait out the weather. We are supposed to get another cold front of "Arctic Air" coming in tonight and the weather Monday will be cold and very windy. I am waiting out the rapid and severe weather change until Tuesday when, though cold, the weather should be clear and not so windy. We got gusts up into the mid 30's today and at 8pm Sunday night, they haven't quieted down all that much. They should keep up until after midnight when the cold gets here. What a wonderful thought!
Tuesday, if all things go well, I will make the 45 mile dash to Daytona Beach, not that it is much warmer down there. However, it is a little farther south and that can only be good. Eventually, it has got to get warmer. The weather was a warm and toasty mid-50's today but it soon went all to hell, with pouring rain and the wind. I did have enough time for a quick tour of St. Augustine.
Last night , they had a decorated boat parade and the Spaniards, Pirates and Americans duked it out for control of the city. They fired a lot of cannons and there was a lot of singing and I guess in the end the Americans won. It was interesting to watch from the boat though I didn't get all the commentary. The tourists eat it up, I guess.
It looks like an interesting town, lots of history, but the weather is chasing me south as I chase the warm weather. Nobody here is happy with the weather and the prospects for the coming week haven't helped at all. It has been the most unseasonable weather last few weeks anyone can remember. Even the weather reporting is cockeyed. In the same report they tell you about the rip tides and hypothermia. Figure that one out!
I am sitting on a Municipal Mooring in beautiful St. Augustine and today NOAA used the "S" word in the weather forecast . . . "SNOW"! Only a possibility mind you and it would be just flurries, but SNOW?
I am here until Tuesday as I wait out the weather. We are supposed to get another cold front of "Arctic Air" coming in tonight and the weather Monday will be cold and very windy. I am waiting out the rapid and severe weather change until Tuesday when, though cold, the weather should be clear and not so windy. We got gusts up into the mid 30's today and at 8pm Sunday night, they haven't quieted down all that much. They should keep up until after midnight when the cold gets here. What a wonderful thought!
Tuesday, if all things go well, I will make the 45 mile dash to Daytona Beach, not that it is much warmer down there. However, it is a little farther south and that can only be good. Eventually, it has got to get warmer. The weather was a warm and toasty mid-50's today but it soon went all to hell, with pouring rain and the wind. I did have enough time for a quick tour of St. Augustine.
Last night , they had a decorated boat parade and the Spaniards, Pirates and Americans duked it out for control of the city. They fired a lot of cannons and there was a lot of singing and I guess in the end the Americans won. It was interesting to watch from the boat though I didn't get all the commentary. The tourists eat it up, I guess.
It looks like an interesting town, lots of history, but the weather is chasing me south as I chase the warm weather. Nobody here is happy with the weather and the prospects for the coming week haven't helped at all. It has been the most unseasonable weather last few weeks anyone can remember. Even the weather reporting is cockeyed. In the same report they tell you about the rip tides and hypothermia. Figure that one out!
Friday, December 10, 2010
NOAA Did It Again!
SHIP'S LOG:
Got an early start this morning as I wanted to get a good start on getting south before the next cold front in Northern Florida which is supposed to arrive Sunday Night. If it is anything like the last one, I don 't want to be around for it.
I got a go push all the way along the ICW so much so that I got to the spot I had planned to anchor by 12:15 and decided to do another two hours and get into St. Augustine Thew only problem was that no one told NOAA of my plans and they made another major "whooppsie" in their forecast. This morning it was to 10-15knots of wind out of the north and partly cloudy. By the time I was waiting around for the Bridge of Lions to open, it was blowing 20+ and raining to beat the band. I snagged a municipal mooring($20/night) along with pretty close to 100 others who all curse the name of NOAA. We are all sitting here in the non-forecast rain and wind, doing the slide step from one end of the mooring field to the other. Not a lot of happy campers here tonight.
Tragically, I went aground again today! I was headed into St. Augustine when I saw several sailboats anchored just out of the channel . It looked like a good spot and the chart called for 16 feet. Wrong! I don't know if the other boats were aground or what, but I got stuck and had to call the people in the red boat. A tow off in Florida costs $720! That puts the total pretty close to $2,100 in towing charges that I did not get hit with. Thank God I bought that unlimited tow insurance.
The GPS in the cockpit started freezing today . . . why should it be any different. When it was loading the next map section, it suddenly stopped and I had to shut it off and reboot it. It would work for a while and then freeze again. It did that for a couple of hours, thankfully along the straightest and deepest stretch of the ICW I traveled today and then went back to working normally. I guess it just had a bad day. I've had 'em, you had 'em, why shouldn't it have 'em.
Got an early start this morning as I wanted to get a good start on getting south before the next cold front in Northern Florida which is supposed to arrive Sunday Night. If it is anything like the last one, I don 't want to be around for it.
I got a go push all the way along the ICW so much so that I got to the spot I had planned to anchor by 12:15 and decided to do another two hours and get into St. Augustine Thew only problem was that no one told NOAA of my plans and they made another major "whooppsie" in their forecast. This morning it was to 10-15knots of wind out of the north and partly cloudy. By the time I was waiting around for the Bridge of Lions to open, it was blowing 20+ and raining to beat the band. I snagged a municipal mooring($20/night) along with pretty close to 100 others who all curse the name of NOAA. We are all sitting here in the non-forecast rain and wind, doing the slide step from one end of the mooring field to the other. Not a lot of happy campers here tonight.
Tragically, I went aground again today! I was headed into St. Augustine when I saw several sailboats anchored just out of the channel . It looked like a good spot and the chart called for 16 feet. Wrong! I don't know if the other boats were aground or what, but I got stuck and had to call the people in the red boat. A tow off in Florida costs $720! That puts the total pretty close to $2,100 in towing charges that I did not get hit with. Thank God I bought that unlimited tow insurance.
The GPS in the cockpit started freezing today . . . why should it be any different. When it was loading the next map section, it suddenly stopped and I had to shut it off and reboot it. It would work for a while and then freeze again. It did that for a couple of hours, thankfully along the straightest and deepest stretch of the ICW I traveled today and then went back to working normally. I guess it just had a bad day. I've had 'em, you had 'em, why shouldn't it have 'em.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
On The "Road" Again!
SHIP'S LOG:
It is good to be on the move again. Three days in the marina was nice, especially the hot showers on those cold, cold mornings, but it was and is time to move.
I got a bit of a late start and had to battle the river current all the way down. Going through the bridges is and around Jacksonville is a bit of a trip as the eddies and currents and swirls make for some interesting navigating, especially when you are sharing the river with some big ships. The waves breakers and piers focus the current and it can really slow you down and twist you round as you are passing under and/or though bridges. Still it was great to do the miles and the wind even cooperated so that sailing could be done. Still, it was more than a bit chilly even in the sun. As I write this though, it doesn't seem all that cold and I think I might escape a overnight temperature of less than 32. Perhaps it will even be in the 40's!
The dinghy has a small, slow leak in the forward tube. I don't think it has anything to do with the patch or the repair. It has had it for awhile and I just can't locate it. So every few days it needs pump up. With the cold of the last few days, it seems to have lost more air than usual and I lazily neglected to take the time this morning to do the pump up. As a result, it started to drag in the water and took on a whole bunch. I had to stop in the middle of the river, detach it from the davitts and tied it along side. When I got to Blount Island and anchored, I had to untie it, re-hook it to the davitts and pump it up. If I can find it, I think I'll try some of that tire inflator stuff that the sell for flat tires. Perhaps it will find and seal the leak. I think they actually make stuff for inflatables too and my next trip to West Marine will have it as a purchase item.
The next couple of days are supposed to be "seasonal" so perhaps I can get far enough south to have the approaching cold front give me a miss. I should be in St. Augustine or Daytona this coming week and if the weather is warm, I may just anchor in a nice spot and soak up some sun. If not, I'll push on and see what lies ahead.
The new water pump works just fine and hopefully will be the last major replacement part for the trip. Then again, I do have a wish list and a few odds and ends that need buying. Ah, the fun of boat ownership.
It is good to be on the move again. Three days in the marina was nice, especially the hot showers on those cold, cold mornings, but it was and is time to move.
I got a bit of a late start and had to battle the river current all the way down. Going through the bridges is and around Jacksonville is a bit of a trip as the eddies and currents and swirls make for some interesting navigating, especially when you are sharing the river with some big ships. The waves breakers and piers focus the current and it can really slow you down and twist you round as you are passing under and/or though bridges. Still it was great to do the miles and the wind even cooperated so that sailing could be done. Still, it was more than a bit chilly even in the sun. As I write this though, it doesn't seem all that cold and I think I might escape a overnight temperature of less than 32. Perhaps it will even be in the 40's!
The dinghy has a small, slow leak in the forward tube. I don't think it has anything to do with the patch or the repair. It has had it for awhile and I just can't locate it. So every few days it needs pump up. With the cold of the last few days, it seems to have lost more air than usual and I lazily neglected to take the time this morning to do the pump up. As a result, it started to drag in the water and took on a whole bunch. I had to stop in the middle of the river, detach it from the davitts and tied it along side. When I got to Blount Island and anchored, I had to untie it, re-hook it to the davitts and pump it up. If I can find it, I think I'll try some of that tire inflator stuff that the sell for flat tires. Perhaps it will find and seal the leak. I think they actually make stuff for inflatables too and my next trip to West Marine will have it as a purchase item.
The next couple of days are supposed to be "seasonal" so perhaps I can get far enough south to have the approaching cold front give me a miss. I should be in St. Augustine or Daytona this coming week and if the weather is warm, I may just anchor in a nice spot and soak up some sun. If not, I'll push on and see what lies ahead.
The new water pump works just fine and hopefully will be the last major replacement part for the trip. Then again, I do have a wish list and a few odds and ends that need buying. Ah, the fun of boat ownership.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
It Can Only Be Worse In Gainsville
SHIP'S LOG:
Truth be told, it will hit about 25 here in Jacksonville tonight and in Gainsville, it will be in the LOW TEENS!
Service at Sadler Point.....................2hrs at $85/Hr...............................................$170
Remove old pump & fittings,
install new pump...............................3hrs at $85/Hr................................................$225
New Pump.....................................................................................................................$716.40
Hose................................................................................................................................$ 9.35
Hose Clamps (6) at $2.40/each..................................................................................$ 14.40
Sales Tax.........................................................................................................................$ 74.46
Environmental.............................................................................................................$ 15.00
TOTAL*************************************************************$1138.09
Ah, the joys of boat ownership!
I can only hope and pray that that was the last major catastrophe that I will have to deal with on this trip.It probably would have been less painful if the weather had been at least seasonal, but being cold, and I mean cold, and windy and today cloudy with sleet, well, I am just a sunshine person and I like it hot and this was just a no fun week so far.
Tomorrow I shall leave delightful Jacksonville and head on down to Blount Island where I last dropped the hook and spend the night. Then on Friday, I hope to make it down to Pine Island which is just above St. Augustine and perhaps into the warm, or at least, warm-er weather. Sitting around in one place, not really of my choosing, has been a bit of a bore and a drag. I did manage to strike off a few more projects from the "To Do" list but there are plenty more left to do so I should never be bored.
I have been on this "trip" for over two months now. Actually, it is not really a trip but simply a change in lifestyle. I feel almost like a hermit crab, taking my residence wherever I go. I hate to dispel any one's romantic fantasies about such a trip but while it is true that there are wonderful and awe-inspiring moments, there are also moments of fear and anxiety and a lot of hard work that goes into every day. Today, I had to crawl into the bilge to re-repair the bilge pump. I had to use a heat gun to heat up the hose so that the connector would slide in correctly. Not the most fun thing in the world to spend an hour doing. And to do anything like that, you have to lay out all the tools needed, open up the area to be worked in, do the job, then close up the area, put away the tools and then clean up the area and yourself. Living on a boat is not much different than living in a house or an apartment except it is smaller and the view outside keeps changing. And it is that last thing that really keeps it interesting!
A guy walking around the marina today stopped by to chat. He wanted to know if any of the boats were for sale. I told him mine was and we talked for a while but my price was too steep for him. If he had come up with the money, I'd be home for Christmas, or I should say that I would be back in New England for Christmas.
Truth be told, it will hit about 25 here in Jacksonville tonight and in Gainsville, it will be in the LOW TEENS!
Service at Sadler Point.....................2hrs at $85/Hr...............................................$170
Remove old pump & fittings,
install new pump...............................3hrs at $85/Hr................................................$225
New Pump.....................................................................................................................$716.40
Hose................................................................................................................................$ 9.35
Hose Clamps (6) at $2.40/each..................................................................................$ 14.40
Sales Tax.........................................................................................................................$ 74.46
Environmental.............................................................................................................$ 15.00
TOTAL*************************************************************$1138.09
Ah, the joys of boat ownership!
I can only hope and pray that that was the last major catastrophe that I will have to deal with on this trip.It probably would have been less painful if the weather had been at least seasonal, but being cold, and I mean cold, and windy and today cloudy with sleet, well, I am just a sunshine person and I like it hot and this was just a no fun week so far.
Tomorrow I shall leave delightful Jacksonville and head on down to Blount Island where I last dropped the hook and spend the night. Then on Friday, I hope to make it down to Pine Island which is just above St. Augustine and perhaps into the warm, or at least, warm-er weather. Sitting around in one place, not really of my choosing, has been a bit of a bore and a drag. I did manage to strike off a few more projects from the "To Do" list but there are plenty more left to do so I should never be bored.
I have been on this "trip" for over two months now. Actually, it is not really a trip but simply a change in lifestyle. I feel almost like a hermit crab, taking my residence wherever I go. I hate to dispel any one's romantic fantasies about such a trip but while it is true that there are wonderful and awe-inspiring moments, there are also moments of fear and anxiety and a lot of hard work that goes into every day. Today, I had to crawl into the bilge to re-repair the bilge pump. I had to use a heat gun to heat up the hose so that the connector would slide in correctly. Not the most fun thing in the world to spend an hour doing. And to do anything like that, you have to lay out all the tools needed, open up the area to be worked in, do the job, then close up the area, put away the tools and then clean up the area and yourself. Living on a boat is not much different than living in a house or an apartment except it is smaller and the view outside keeps changing. And it is that last thing that really keeps it interesting!
A guy walking around the marina today stopped by to chat. He wanted to know if any of the boats were for sale. I told him mine was and we talked for a while but my price was too steep for him. If he had come up with the money, I'd be home for Christmas, or I should say that I would be back in New England for Christmas.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHIP'S LOG:
Well, the raw water pump was shot! The bearing in it was on its last leg and probably would have seized if I had tried to go much further. If it had seized, it would have ripped off the engine and torn the hoses and that would have sunk the boat for sure. It could have been rebuilt but it would have cost more than a new one. When all was said and done, parts and labor came to $1,138.09! And no, I don't have it. So I had to reach out to my sisters for part of it and the rest came from my good friend, Russ. Between them, they have almost as much invested in ABISHAG as I do. It is incredibly heartening that they were able to be so generous.
I won't be leaving the marina tomorrow. I have to wait so that all the funds are deposited and cleared before I can pay the yard tab. At least it will be another day of hot showers and warm toilet seats. And perhaps, just perhaps, the cold weather will break and I will not be suffering chilblains anymore. I mean there has got to be some warm weather down here somewhere. I know that I will eventually find it, just where I am not sure.
MASTER'S PERSONAL LOG:
I don't quite have a handle on why this is happening. I am sure there is a reason behind it all but I can't fathom God's reasoning just yet. I thought that this trip was about taking control of my life - being the captain of my own ship, figuratively and literally. I also know that it is about surrendering control to God and trusting unconditionally. I also know that some how these two are not mutually exclusive and that they are somehow interconnected . But just when I seem to have figured it out, I get a curve that I don't see coming and don't quite understand, and I am left to ponder and to walk without really knowing where I am going. And every time I question, ask for a clearer set of directions, or want to know what happens next, I seem to get that George Burns line from the movie, "O GOD," . . . ."Trust me, like it says on the money." I just have to believe that God is with me, that he loves me and that everything will work out for the best. But I still get nervous. Trust and self-surrender is at times very difficult
Well, the raw water pump was shot! The bearing in it was on its last leg and probably would have seized if I had tried to go much further. If it had seized, it would have ripped off the engine and torn the hoses and that would have sunk the boat for sure. It could have been rebuilt but it would have cost more than a new one. When all was said and done, parts and labor came to $1,138.09! And no, I don't have it. So I had to reach out to my sisters for part of it and the rest came from my good friend, Russ. Between them, they have almost as much invested in ABISHAG as I do. It is incredibly heartening that they were able to be so generous.
I won't be leaving the marina tomorrow. I have to wait so that all the funds are deposited and cleared before I can pay the yard tab. At least it will be another day of hot showers and warm toilet seats. And perhaps, just perhaps, the cold weather will break and I will not be suffering chilblains anymore. I mean there has got to be some warm weather down here somewhere. I know that I will eventually find it, just where I am not sure.
MASTER'S PERSONAL LOG:
I don't quite have a handle on why this is happening. I am sure there is a reason behind it all but I can't fathom God's reasoning just yet. I thought that this trip was about taking control of my life - being the captain of my own ship, figuratively and literally. I also know that it is about surrendering control to God and trusting unconditionally. I also know that some how these two are not mutually exclusive and that they are somehow interconnected . But just when I seem to have figured it out, I get a curve that I don't see coming and don't quite understand, and I am left to ponder and to walk without really knowing where I am going. And every time I question, ask for a clearer set of directions, or want to know what happens next, I seem to get that George Burns line from the movie, "O GOD," . . . ."Trust me, like it says on the money." I just have to believe that God is with me, that he loves me and that everything will work out for the best. But I still get nervous. Trust and self-surrender is at times very difficult
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